Values…

As a father, I often think about the values I want to instil in my children. I think most parents would agree there’s a list of things we hope our kids will grow to value:

• Family

• Honesty / Integrity

• Discipline

• Resilience

They’re powerful words — and each one could fill volumes with meaning.

In my professional life, one of the questions I often ask someone seeking advice is: what is your core value? What matters so deeply to you that living without it would feel like a compromise of who you are?

The reality, though, is that our core values change across different stages of life.

There was a time in my own life when the only thing I valued was an idea of “success” measured purely by how much money I was making. The circumstances around that period weren’t ideal — pressure can form diamonds, but it can also burst a dam.

A fairly fitting analogy for today’s musing, because sometimes a father’s expectations can feel less like diamond-forming pressure and more like pushing past a child’s capacity.

Reflecting on how I show up for my children, I’ve realised that sometimes revealing my vulnerabilities — my weaknesses — might help them develop something even more important than resilience.

Parents love the word resilience. A quick Google search defines it as the mental, emotional, and behavioural ability to adapt, cope, or bounce back from stress and adversity.

It’s not a bad value to have. But sometimes the kids who appear the most unflappable are simply the ones who don’t fully grasp what’s happening around them — and therefore aren’t truly challenged by it.

During my workout today, pushing through those final brutal moments of each set, another word came to mind:

Fortitude.

To me, fortitude means facing something difficult with full awareness — acknowledging the struggle — and choosing to move forward anyway.

Google defines fortitude as strength of mind, courage, and firmness of spirit that enables a person to endure pain, face adversity, and confront difficulty.

I certainly needed fortitude in the dying moments of trying to survive an erg machine session.

And strangely, the image that came to mind wasn’t athletic achievement — it was my daughter.

Last year, she ran her first school cross country. With zero training and a bit of encouragement from Mum and Dad, she completed the event. She didn’t win, but she kept going when many other children had stopped. It was probably one of the hardest things she had ever done — and not fully understanding what a cross country even involved, she finished anyway.

This year, we decided to practice running so she would feel more confident. There were failed sessions. One time she managed about two and a half laps of the park before deciding she’d had enough.

Yesterday, my wife suggested we try again, and my daughter agreed. I told her we would complete six laps — all she needed to do was stay with me.

Each lap took us through a particularly unpleasant stretch of the park — a path lined with trees, pigeons, ibis, and all the consequences that come with them. Yet she kept pace.

At times she grabbed my arm while running. At one point she said she wanted to quit. I told her something honest:

“There are moments in this run where I want to quit too. But we said we’d do it — so let’s finish it together.”

On the final lap, rounding the last bend, I told her we would finish strong.

“Daddy’s going to sprint ahead. I want you to run as fast as you can to the finish line. I’ll be waiting there.”

Watching her push all the way to the end was one of the proudest moments I’ve had as a father.

What I saw wasn’t just resilience.

It was fortitude.

That moment is one I’ll draw from myself whenever I feel like giving up before finishing something I committed to.

We’ve all had moments like that in life. Resilience sometimes feels like being okay with setbacks — even walking away and moving on.

But fortitude?
Fortitude requires courage. Intentionality. A directed will to see something through.

It’s the decision to finish the mission.

Have you ever thought about the distinction between resilience and fortitude?